Time to be a little kid for a while.
In the months since Rox's death, I've realized something upsetting. I am more self-centered than I ever knew. I'm not selfish. I'm not conceited. Sometimes, though, I am so preoccupied with survival and details that I fail to bear in mind that my thoughts and musings impact other people, too.
The nice thing is that in a backhanded sort of way, it lets me know people are paying attention. I didn't expect that to happen. Not that I thought this blog would fall on deaf ears. I suppose I just never thought anyone would pay more than casual attention. My words have the power to hurt or to heal. I'm always aware of that on the air. Apparently, that idea also holds true for the texted words launched into cyberspace.
My last post, about the bottle of pills which could reunite me with Roxanne in just a few minutes, was scary. I know this because that's what I was told by a good friend. And I value my friends highly, so I listen to them. (Snippy thought: This sort of obseration is what the "comments" section is for. If I can bare my soul, feel free to jump on in. It's very liberating. And thanks for loving me enough to be scared.)
Truth is, it's been a serious time recently for many reasons. Now the rainbow follows the storm. Crazy as it sounds, I've found I can still act like a child and enjoy it.
I made a small mention on Facebook about riding the motorized cart at the grocery (my Facebook page) My ankle was hurting, so I took one of the sit down carts, and was traveling down the aisles making "beep, beep," and "vroom, vroom" noises much like a six year-old. I got such a response from people, on-line and off-line, happy to see me in wide-eyed wonder. I WAS happy, too. It was nice just to be silly.The store was pretty empty, so I was mostly on my own.
As much as I still mourn and still wonder about what's around the next corner, I promise to take every chance to act like the king of the silly-asses. And today's lesson, short and sweet, is that anything that brings a smile to my lips is a good thing.
StevenK
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