Leaving The Cocoon

When last I visited the blogosphere, I was so mired in Thanksgiving funk, I began to contaminate anyone and everything nearby. Suffice it to say I've caught hell for my generally lousy mood. Karma being what it is, I fear I shall be held accountable for all the evil in the world. I already wonder if I could secretly be the cause of gasoline reaching $3.00 a gallon, and Peyton Manning's rash of interceptions, and that box of Grippo's I bought the other day which had almost no barbeque seasoning in it.

Since then, I've devoted myself to removing my poisonous attitude before it becomes a cocoon. Or maybe it's more accurate to say I've been trying to burst the cocoon and emerge as transformed. I've gotta do something. Toxic thoughts breed quickly. They take root in the heart and burn up time.

Time is precious to me. It's been well over a year since Roxanne's death. Today is her birthday... the second one I've passed through alone. Surviving has been good, but I want to live again. I have some serious decisions to make soon, and I will face some serious consequences which will come without my input and without my influence.

Sorry to be so cryptic. When I began LIFE 4.0, I pledged myself to be honest and direct, warts and all, in telling my story. If I'm not forthcoming, I'm a halfhearted storyteller, and just another internet bullshit artist. But there's no point in getting ahead of myself. If need be, we'll tell the tale, perhaps in LIFE 5.0. (The mark of a true broadcaster: I'm talking in teases and sequels.)

As far as gettting my head out of you-know-where, most of the credit goes to the love and respect of my few friends and my cherished circle of co-workers. Maybe it's the caring spirit of the season, but so many people have told me how glad they are that I'm doing well. More important, I've actually felt useful in the last month. I know I've actually make a difference in a few lives. It's been a while since I've been able to say that. Bit by bit, the cocoon may be shredding. Quick update for readers from last Christmas: I again hung my wreath, the one of which I wrote in my Twilight Zone-ish post "A Christmas Story". (New readers, click on it and read. Forgive me for bragging, but it's good.) And I've misplaced the cards Roxanne bought, so maybe we'll get a glance at them next year. Looking at the big picture, obviously, I still have no clue what path awaits me. Am I supposed to hurry and rush so I can join her? Should I tarry and savor my time this world, patienly waiting until the conclusion of my journey comes along?

Today's lesson? I'm happy to say that Christmas cheer has taken over my heart. I've always been sappy about Christmas so it's no surprise. It's also that I know I may soon take a fall of enormous proportions, so I have resigned myself to accepting what may come, and opted to not ruin the present by poisoning everyone around me.

StevenK